Dirty Thirty Blog

Betrayal doesn’t just break your trust, it shatters your soul. It’s not just an emotional wound it’s a physical one too. The kind of hurt that punches you in the stomach, leaves you gasping for air, and makes you question your worth. When you’ve been betrayed, the world stops making sense, and nothing feels real anymore. The magic you once believed in is gone, and you’re left with a numbness that fills your days, making everything feel dull and distant.

The brutal reality of betrayal is that it doesn’t just knock you down it throws you into a deep, dark hole. When you finally hit the bottom and start to accept that things are never going to be the same, you have to find a way out. But the hardest part? You have to do it alone.

Surviving the Fallout: The Fight for Your Life

It’s human nature to want to survive. When betrayal hits, it shakes you to your core, but you fight anyway. You fight to feel something other than the crushing weight of worthlessness. You fight to feel alive, to escape the numbness.

Your body goes into shock, your mind starts to distort what’s real and what isn’t. In those moments, you don’t just grieve the person who hurt you , you grieve a part of yourself. Your body and mind become disconnected, and nothing feels stable anymore. The feeling of being betrayed isn’t just emotional it’s physical. Gasping for air, the heart-pounding, the confusion, it’s like the world is collapsing around you, and you can’t make sense of any of it.

I remember the day it all fell apart for me. It felt like being punched in the stomach. I could barely catch my breath. My mind was racing, trying to figure out what I had done wrong, what I had missed. I couldn’t understand how the world had shifted under my own feet. It felt like the ground beneath me had vanished, leaving me alone and drowning in doubt.

The pain hit so hard, I thought I wouldn’t survive it. I felt alone, abandoned. And suddenly, an old wound from when my parents left came rushing back. The betrayal felt like a trigger, awakening everything I thought I’d buried. It was like being dropped into the past again, in the same lonely place i was once left at. It solidified that i deserved what was happening to me because i had felt this feeling of unworthiness before.

The Unseen Struggle: No One Knows You’re Drowning

When you’re betrayed, it feels like no one can see you. like you are drowning, and no one is trying to save you. The lies, the deceit, the fake smiles it’s all so overwhelming. And in the midst of it all, you’re begging for help, for mercy, but you hear nothing. You feel abandoned all over again, by the people you wouldn’t expect. You no longer have a safe space.

The pain you feel can make you desperate for validation. You want everyone to know what’s happened to you, even if they don’t understand. It’s tempting to word-vomit your hurt, to lash out, to make them see you but in the end, it only leaves you feeling worse.

Pain can make you do ugly things. It can turn you into someone you don’t recognize, and it can cause more pain for others. I’ll be honest, there were days when I didn’t know how to cope, how to stay calm, how to hold onto my dignity. I wanted to scream, to expose the truth, to make people understand my pain. But with time, I’ve learned that this doesn’t heal you it only prolongs the pain. It feeds the pain.

Four Years Later: The Lingering Pain of Betrayal

It’s been four years since I went through that betrayal, and while it doesn’t sting as badly as it did in the beginning, I can’t lie and say that it goes away, it does get better though. The start is the hardest part, and some days, that pain still resurfaces when I least expect it. Betrayal is a grief unlike any other. It’s like mourning someone who’s still alive. The pain lingers, and sometimes it feels like it’s always with you, waiting to make an appearance when you’re most vulnerable.

But there’s a truth that I’ve learned, No one is coming to save you. Only you can save yourself.

not even the people that hurt you can save you, because no apology in the world can undo the harm.

The pain will always be a part of me, but it doesn’t have to define me. What people did to me says more about them than it does about me. Their actions were a reflection of their own struggles, insecurities, and choices. And though that doesn’t make it hurt any less, it’s a piece of clarity that has helped me let go of the need for revenge or validation.

There are still days when I drive, and the weight of it all crashes down on me. Something about the open road and the solitude of nature makes me feel vulnerable. But it also reminds me that I’ve made it this far. I’m still here. I’m still breathing. And that is something worth holding onto.

Finding Hope: Reclaiming Your Worth

It’s easy to let your mind trick you into believing you’re unworthy, that you’ll never heal, and that you’ll never feel whole again. But you are worthy. You are valuable. Don’t let the actions of others convince you otherwise.

you will slowly start to love and trust yourself again,

Even on the hardest days, show up for yourself. Try new things, meet new people, do things that make you feel alive. Even if it’s just watching a movie by yourself and falling in love with your own company, small moments like this can help rebuild what was broken.

The healing journey is yours. You can’t control what others do to you, but you can control how you respond. And that choice, that decision to keep fighting, to keep moving forward, that is what will save you. It won’t be easy. Some days, it will feel impossible. But you have it within you to survive, to thrive, to reclaim your peace.

You are stronger than you think. Keep fighting.

gigi